Parents: Don’t Confuse Struggle with Suffering
How listening, empathy, and long-term thinking strengthen kids and the parent-school partnership.
In the last episode, Jesse and I went down the rabbit hole asking a question many of us have wrestled with as parents. Who really knows best when it comes to kids and education? Parents, teachers, schools, or the students themselves?
That question matters, but it is not where the real work happens.
This episode shifts from the “why” to the “what now?”
What do we actually do when our kids bring us a struggle with school? How should parents respond? And how can our response strengthen the partnership between families and schools instead of damaging it?
Listen first
When a child comes to you upset about school, the instinct is to fix it. We want quick answers and quick relief. But if we jump straight to solutions, we miss what they need most in that moment. They need to be heard.
We said it in the episode and meant it. Let them get it all out.
That does not mean every claim is accurate. Adolescents exaggerate. They speak emotionally. But underneath the emotion is often something real, and parents need to slow down long enough to hear it.
Struggle is not suffering
One of the most important distinctions we explore is this: struggling is not the same thing as suffering.
Struggle is often the pathway to growth. It builds resilience, perseverance, and maturity. Suffering is different. It may require intervention, protection, or deeper support.
Parents need discernment to tell the difference. When we confuse every struggle with suffering, we train our children to avoid discomfort rather than grow through it.
The daily debrief
We also talked about what we call the daily debrief. This is not an interrogation. It is a consistent habit of checking in with your child at the end of the day. When communication becomes normal, conflict becomes easier to navigate.
Approach schools with inquiry
When problems arise, accusation usually creates defensiveness. Inquiry creates partnership.
Help me understand.
What did you see?
What happened next?
Long-term growth over short-term comfort
If there is one thread that ties this episode together, it is this. We are raising kids to put on the character of Christ. Short-term comfort often leads to long-term weakness. The goal is not to remove every obstacle, but to coach our kids through challenges with wisdom.
When parents and schools function as partners rather than adversaries, children benefit. They learn through struggle without being abandoned in suffering.
That is the real work.
Thanks for listening in this week. Leave a comment or share with a friend!